The Help

Sarah and I have a love/hate relationship with the waiter working at the guesthouse where we're staying. He is, at the same time, a nice, friendly guy and a complete idiot. It's a rare day indeed when the tea we order is not coffee and the hot water he assured us we would have is not ice cold. Little inconveniences like these are all part of traveling, I know, but sometimes it gets old. I also realize that I sound like I'm just complaining about India. I'm not. I'd complain no matter where I was. You probably would too.

Usually when I'm frustrated with this guy, Sarah defends him, and vice versa. It's a nice balance.

"I asked for fruit salad. This is a potato. "

"Sorry madam. I'll fix it." He leaves.

"Oh honey, maybe he just didn't hear you," I say.

"I wrote it down," she says.

"Oh. Well he's trying."

This morning we ordered two pots of coffee. One black for her and one with milk for me. This was not unusual. We'd ordered the same thing from the same guy for three straight mornings.

A few minutes later, he came back with the pot of black coffee. I figured the milk coffee was on its way. No problem. Ten minutes later, still no milk coffee. When our man came by the table, I asked him about the milk coffee.

"Oh, so you wanted two pots! "

"Yes, just like the day before and the day before that."

"Okay. Okay."

Five minutes pass. He walks up with a pot of coffee. It's black.

"No, no, no my man. Milk coffee. See right here on the menu. Milk coffee. Coffee with milk already in there. Milk coffee."

He looks at me. He isn't sure. He says okay and walks away again.

"Is it me?" I ask Sarah.

"No. It's not you. This guy is... I don't know," she says while sipping her coffee.

It's a beautiful morning. We're sitting at our table enjoying the sun when suddenly out of the corner of my eye I see a gray blur crash down onto our table. Sarah's plate of fruit salad goes flying. She screams. There's a loud screech as I realize a fairly large monkey has just stolen half of Sarah's breakfast and jumped out of sight.

"JESUS CHRIST!!!!" She screams.

We're both on our feet. People are looking at us. I start gathering the fruit strewn across the table in case of another attack.

"It's okay honey. You're all right," I say. She's rattled.

"Your milk," I hear from behind me. It's our waiter. He's just missed the monkey attack and he's wondering why Sarah's breathing heavily. He unscrews the cap. Inside is hot milk.

"OH, COME ON!!!" explodes Sarah.

"I don't know how else to say it my man. Coffee with milk," I say, defeated.

A British woman at the next table walks over with her pot of coffee, unscrewes the cap and points inside, showing our very confused waiter.

"See, like this. Milk coffee," she says.

"Ahhhhh. Coffee milk. Yes, yes. One moment."

"It must be me," I say.

"I don't care. I'm going inside," Sarah says. "These monkeys. It's just too much."

A few minutes later, sitting outside at a different table, the guy brings me a pot of milk coffee. All is right with the world.

-Brendan

Comments

Bleh, I can't do coffee, it's too strong with or without milk. Maybe Indian coffee is better that Folgers, who knows. Someone needs to show those monkeys who’s boss, go postal on them. Is illegal to hit the monkeys? Actually, that's a bad idea; I saw this thing on TV where these people were badly injured by monkeys. Good luck, I hope they stop pestering you guys.

-John-

This might be the gayest blog I have ever read

Move on Pax... Nothing for you to see here.

Maybe they just dont have the item that you ask for and they are embarassed to say that. Or it is possible that they dont understand English very well. Or could it be that you have pissed them off and they are giving you the passive aggressive middle finger. Either way, third world travel makes me very home sick. Even though it is cheaper, there may be a reason that it is less expensive. Thanks again for the wonderful travel experiences shared. Take care and enjoy the ride.

Hm..i wonder if he knew English that well.
Ow well things will get better. And don't piss of the moneys..they will attack and i think its illegal because of some of the religions there. anyway hope you gize enjoy yourselves from now on.

I just have one question. How come you guys are in India for so long?

Ask the guy if his name is Hrundi V. Bakshi. Sounds just like the guy Peter Sellers played in "The Party".

monkeys...gotta love 'em!

I've met waiters like that here in the States! You feel bad being mean/stern because they are so nice, but come on - it is the service industry. Hope you enjoyed your coffee milk when you finally got it -- was it hot?

Are you sure you're traveling around the world? You're certainly spending a lot of time in India.

I'm vaugley certain they all speak english in India. British colony and all that.

correct me if i am wrong

Not to be mean or anything, but eh... you all think they're spending a long time in India? Do any of you realize how BIG that country is?!? Hello!!!

All I have to say is, no, it's not you, but it could just be your luck. I have been told myself, many a time, "Sarah, these things just don't happen to other people," so, seeing as how you seem to be in the same situation, here's hoping that some of those things turn out to be wonderful!

awsome!!!