Know Thy Self

Before Brendan and I began our year-long trip, people would ask us why.

"Why did you decide to travel for so long?"

"Why are you choosing to do it now, right after you get married?"

"Just...why? What do you want to get out of it?"

It's the last question I've always found the most intriguing, and the hardest to answer. I didn't know what I wanted to get out of this trip, never having been away from home for more than a few weeks at a time before. I just knew that I wanted to get something. Wisdom, perspective, patience... religious enlightenment? Maybe. Probably. No clue. But I could count on something, right?

Back in our old house in Santa Monica, Brendan and I would fantasize about how our destinies would unfold out there. We'd discover the meaning of life and it wouldn't revolve around our careers in television. Or we'd pull up into a town and decide that it was the perfect place to raise our children, even though we didn't speak the language. Or that we'd make contacts with someone in a Mongolian bar who had better contacts than ours, and the next 30 years would just fall into place. Fantasizing is fun that way. A year is a long time, right? Anything could happen!

We're now in our eighth month of travel, and most of those fantasies have been swept aside and replaced with day-to-day stuff, like where we'll buy our next bar of soap and what time the sun sets (an important detail in a village without electricity, you see). I've been thinking a lot about what I wanted from this trip back in those early days. It's not that I've been unsuccessful, I was just expecting the wrong things. I was looking for epiphanies.

I've had zero epiphanies. I can admit that. But I'm not empty-handed, either. Instead, I've learned a lot about myself. That sounds corny, I know. I roll my eyes when I hear that someone has "really learned a lot and grown so much over this past year", etc etc. But honestly, doing the inward thing and learning about ourselves was inevitable. Leaving our little bubble of familiarity and comfort has forced us to behave in new ways and make new decisions based on all these foreign situations. It's a trip (no pun intended... or was it?).

A lot of what I'm talking about are little things. Like how overpacked a bus has to get before I need to slither out the window to escape a claustrophobic breakdown. I mean, I always felt like I had issues with crowds, but now it's been confirmed, and I have a firm handle on my breaking point. That's a little thing, really. But it's real. And there are so many of those little things. I've amazed myself with what I can put up with (Mom, you have no idea). But there are other parts of me that are unbendable, that are rock-solid, that won't sway, not even in the breeze of the Arabian Sea, because that's who I am. On unfamiliar ground, it's so nice to feel grounded.

Maybe I spoke too soon about that epiphany? Or maybe I just ought to get out of the sun.

-Sarah

Comments

That was pretty good. The important thing is that you're having fun and a great time with your husband. I can't stand being in a crowded place either. Makes me feel trapped. But what do you two expect to do, career, wise when you get back? Going back to work for G4?

I tried reading this blog, but I keep coming back to the same question, "is Sarah a real person or is someone just making this crap up and have a good laugh at our expense?"

Hi Sarah! I really enjoy your blog. I spent six weeks in a village in Greece this summer so I can totally empathize with your situation. Although you may fantasize about getting away while back at home, once you get to your destination it can be quite a diffrent story. The jet lag, food, and customs are an awful lot to adjust too. While commenters on your page may critizice you, they have no idea the tribulations that come with other cultures. It is a wonderful experience however at the time you may be miserable or even bored. Wait until you get home back to our spoiled American comforts and you will begin to see the changes within your self. Trust me most of the "epiphanies" happen months after the trip once you get home.

Hi Sarah! I really enjoy your blog. I spent six weeks in a village in Greece this summer so I can totally empathize with your situation. Although you may fantasize about getting away while back at home, once you get to your destination it can be quite a different story. The jet lag, food, and customs are an awful lot to adjust too. While commenters on your page may critizice you, they have no idea the tribulations that come with other cultures. It is a wonderful experience however at the time you may be miserable or even bored. Wait until you get home back to our spoiled American comforts and you will begin to see the changes within your self. Trust me most of the "epiphanies" happen months after the trip once you get home.

^^sounds right

too much fantasizing makes you retarded...now go back to reality and get a job!

Not meaning to get too wishy-washy, but I fimrly believe that a lot of the bigger lessons from this trip may not be evident to you guys for several years.

It's the trip of a lifetime, right? The lessons will unfold over the same period.

Continued happy trails to you and thanks for the fun reads!

I agree wholeheartedly with Stace: You're too close to the trip now to fully assess -- or even appreciate! -- it. But you will...

Go to www.sarahlane.com/main/home.html
It's the real blog about their trip with pictures and video.

This is a nice post. I like how your prespective gives your reader some perspective, too.

(See, I am not all bad, I just don't agree with everything.)

Just watched two of your podcasts. You ugys are jerks and make fun of people and their clothes... and constantly complain. How disturbingly ungrateful, disrespectful and rude.

Thanks Nevermind. I think so too. They're so sure that USA = #1. What a couple of thirty-something, flag-waving judgmental tourists.

Yes, they're quite for real, I'm sure.

Even if you don't have any mindblowing epiphanies, you'll come away from this trip seeing, experiencing things and places other people can only dream about. Like others have said on here, no way can you fully assess everything you've seen and done at this point and time. It'll take awhile to fully appreciate it all and you'll probably even learn things from this experience years down the road.

How could some of you believe that, quote:

"this is all made up, and "S and B" are really some lonely guy writing this blog in a dirty apartment in NYC"

have you not seen the podcast or photos? Do the research you idiot.

Why do you talk? WHY?!

I found this blog from G4 somehow. And this is pretty much the first journal-type blog I've ever gotten into.

I'd just like to say that I would ignore the people who are pressuring you to come home already and find a job. It seems like they're almost spoiling your trip, perhaps out of envy.

Once you are home you'll be spending the rest of your career alienated and mired in work. And it sounds like that's what everyone expects of you.

I suppose if you want to own a big California house and have plenty of kids then you'll have to live like that. But personally it would annoy me if I was abroad on a year-long trip while the puritans back home were bellyaching about doing real work.