Grab Me a Beer, Will Ya?

I know marriage takes compromise and you have to give to get, but sometimes, I just wish Sarah would surprise me and bring me a cold beer. I would even settle for the cold beer I just asked her to get me (I even asked her nicely, with a "please" and everything). She said no and went outside to read wile the sun fades on the little porch outside our room. Granted, I could just go get it myself, as it is only thirty feet to the bar, but I just don't want to. I want her to get me one.

The reason I thought I might qualify for a free beer is I just spent six hours chauffeuring Sarah around on a motorbike. We went up and down the coast of southern Lombok today. I was lucky if there was a stretch of road not covered by huge boulders, cows or cow pies. Plus, in every village, little children darted out in front of me and screamed "hello!!", making me very nervous about running a few of them down. Meanwhile, Sarah, who is not fond of motorbikes, freaked out every time I changed gears. The backseat driving is nearly intolerable. Sure, I appreciate how she points out the dog straying into the road at four hundred yards ahead, but I am more worried about the huge ditch which seems to have swallowed up the road. My nerves are shot. In short, I could really use a beer.

The other reason I'm on edge this evening are surfers. We are staying at a place called "The Surfers Inn". So named, because it's a small United Nations gathering of surfers at this place. We are the only non-surfers. It's awkward. There are about a dozen guys who look like they could be the male surfer / model of the year all running around with their shirts off jumping in the pool and talking about their boards. I'm no slouch, but next to these guys, I am a complete slob. And I don't surf. I'm afraid of sharks.

Today in the parking lot as we we're waiting for our motorbike we rented, an older Brazilian guy said to us, "You surf?"

"No, bad shoulders." This is my stock answer to the surf question. It's also true. I have had surgery on both shoulders and I really can't move my arms far enough to paddle.

Apparently he didn't hear me. "You weak?"

Am I weak?? Is that what he said? I thought.

"Um, no. Bad shoulders." As I demontrated by doing a sort of chicken dance for him. But I don't think he saw me. He and his longboard went inside.

Comments

Frist let me say your blog is awesome! But - I hate to say Sarah, your hubby is correct with wanting a little TLC since he did do the driving that day. I understand the male species can be demanding but a little gesture goes a long way, in my honest opinion. Hope your trip is going great and look forward to reading more! :)

Really, how hard it is to walk past the fridge on the way to the porch and grab a beer? Shouldn't newlywed bliss entitle one to at least a token year of that? Maybe next time.

Great blog! Stay safe!

I say just get your own beer. The advantage to this is that the next time Sarah wants something, you can tell her to get it herself. Of course, she'll hate you for it but that's life. :)

Man I could not imagine the kind of stress you guys must be under. Spending all day everyday traveling in foreign countries not being close to family or familiar things. I work with my husband but jeez that must be worse. Not that you need my advice but it's always the stupid crap that causes the biggest fights. Don't let it get you down, you guys are so great together.

You poor Brendan! Sarah should be more appreciative of you, but perhaps you should do the same to her sometime. Not to hurt your marriage, but make her see what's it like when that happens. Good luck you guys and keep posting blogs coz its great fun reading them!

I understand your desire for a frosty beverage delivered to you by the woman you love. I have been married for 4 years and I love the way my husbands little face lights up when I give him a beverage, just puts him in a good mood. I don't understand what it is, probably some ancient cave man instinct or something, but its the little things.

The very same reason why fathers want mothers to switch on the tv when the remote is barely 2cm away from his fingers.

HAHAHA!! Male egos are so fragile!!! But seriously, that was a little inconsiderate and insensitive, she not getting you a beer when your sooooo in need of some R&R and TLC.... Especially if you asked nicely.

i mean you're. not your. me know grammar....

I can't imagine my wife not getting me a beer if I asked nicely for it. Same goes if she asked me for something. I'm a little shocked Sara denied you like that.

Women should take care of their men. A sign of what's to come.

Ouch. No beer, terrible roads and surfer gods...thats a rough day. Hope your trip improves!

If she was up and you were down, you shouldn't have had to ask for it. What you should have heard was "Hey, need anything while I'm in the kitchen?" I hear it everytime I'm in the same situation and try to do the same. I'm not always perfect but learning to return the favor. The key is to be considerate of one another. Make sure she understands how tough your day was unless you were trying to be macho about it?? lol.

Maybe instead of thinking you've earned it and telling her why she should do it for you - tell her that sometimes it just tastes better when someone brings it to you... My hubby and I have found that it's not really about keeping score but some things are nicer when someone does it for you - like when hubby brings me my coffee (even though I doctor it) or when I make him tuna salad... :)

I just discovered your blog. You guys are both so funny and great. Good luck with the trip, I can't wait to keep reading!

This isn't a comment to this posting, but I don't know if you check the comments on past postings.

I was telling my boyfriend about this blog, and about your haggling experiences. His parents travel a lot to Southeast Asia, Africa, etc., and he said they have the exact same experience. The seller will quote a price, and my boyfriend's dad will say "Great!" and then his mom will start haggling. But it's not about money. An extra dollar is nothing to us Americans but is a lot to these people for whom selling crap is their livelihood. (That was really un-PC, and I'm sorry, but it's true.) So my boyfriend's mom is doing it purely for sport. And then his dad slips the seller a $20 on their way out.

What is the REAL reason behind the "selfishness"? If you pissed her off, tough luck..if she is just plain being "selfish"...I agree - a sign of what's to come. You get what you give (as you know)...what have you done for HER lately? Remember, do unto others as you would have done to yourself!

I guess I'll just state the obvious...it's just a beer. If you're closer to the fridge than she is, I'd say get your own beer. I don't really think her not getting you a beer denotes any sort of selfishness on her part. Furthermore, why are you complaining about travelling? Even the worst day on a trip is better than your best day at work! If nothing else, it'll make for a good story later.

8thgirl asked the question "what have you done for HER lately?"

I'll refer to B's post where he "just spent six hours chauffeuring Sarah around on a motorbike." After reading all the obstacles he had to endure on said bike ride, I'd say he did a lot for her lately.

It's been said before though...a marriage is what you make it and as a married man of 10 years, I can attest to that.

Gee, I think you were only thinking bout your own inconvenience. Don't you think Sarah felt some hardtimes too by sitting behind you on the bike? Women are not feeling comfy with motorbike as men.You said yourself that she's not fond with motorbikes, didn't you? So she felt tired and needed to relax, too. I guessk that you got her accompanied you in the riding was a proof that she had made compromise.
Btw, since I'm Indonesian, I hope this experience won't keep you from coming back to Lombok ( or other parts of Indonesia ) for the next vacation.:-)

I think your blog is great...every time my man comes home from a long shift at the port, or its just Sunday or Monday football...EVERY MAN DESERVES TO GET WAITED ON BY THEIR GIRL DURING THAT MANLY TIME...

Doesn't sound like Sarah wanted to go for a ride through boulders, cows and cow pies. So either she went to please you, or you convinced her to go, and did not have a good time. Either way, it appears the trip was for you. You should have been the one to get her a beer.

hmmm.....interesting complains.. i love to read abt ur travels.......luv u both

I don't think Sarah was trying to be rude, she was probably just in a hurry to go and watch the surfers.

Sounded to me like Sarah did not enjoy her day on the motorbike. May be she was just disenchanted? Would she have been more compromising if you were at "home"?

Hey honey--hang in there.

Im sure she's stressing out too, but a little appreciation needs to come into place for you. Keep smiling and good luck.

Bizzaro. I would be so out of there, tomorrow, and leave her to the surfers, good riddance.

I agree with riovic, the bitch would be paying for that disgraceful treatment. Then again all the other little things she has pulled on your blog trip add up to a woman I wouldn't wish on my dyke of an ex let alone myself.

HEY HOLD ON HERE A SECOND IM A RECENTLY NEWLY WED AN I DONT BLAME SARAH AT ALL.ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.YOUR NERVES WERE SHOT WHAT ABOUT SARAHS,IDNT YOU SAY YOURSELF SHE WAS SCARED OF RIDING ON THE BACK OF YOUR MOTOR BIKE.THAT STRESSED HER OUT FAR MORE THAN YOU THINK,AN THOSE KIDS JUMPING IN FRONT OF YOU ALL DIDNOT HELP MATTERS NONE EITHER.
WHEN SHE GOT THERE I SAY ALL SHE WA NTED TO DO WAS RELAX ALSO,BUT BELIVE IT OR NOT WAITING ON YOU HAND AN FOOT IS NOT A RELAXABLE JOB AT ALL.IN FACT IT PROABLY GOT TO HER MORE THAN ANYTHING.DID YOU ASK HER IF THERE WAS ANYTHING YOU COULD DO FOR HER OR GET HER THATS A TWO WAY STREET,OR DID YOU SAY COME HER AN LETS JUST CUDDLE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. HECK IT MAKES ME MAD WHEN I GO TO GET SOMETHING AN ABOUT THE TIME I SIT DOWN MY HBBY WANTS ME TO GO GET HIM SOMETHING. MAN ARE TO SPOILED BY US WOMEN DO FOR YOUR SELF FOR GODS SAKE.
I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE GREAT TRIP.

"Waiting on you hand and foot"?? Holy cow...it was just a beer! She could have grabbed it on the way out the door to relax and you both would have been happy. 2 seconds to get the beer and another 5 minutes of the "come and get me" kiss that goes with it and who the hell remembers the stress of the day. (Perhaps if you offer her that kiss while you are saying "please" she may come around) Problem solved.

Your partner is showing a lack of respect for you and your relationship by this selfish behavior. My boyfriend and I always look for opportunities in which we can show one another how much we value each other and build the health of our relationship with acts of kindness...big or small. And if you reciprocate your gal's behavior the next time, that's just being petty and childish...it's a reason why there are so many divorces in our nation...couples are selfish and self-centered, and if that's the way a person is, it's better if they remain single and unattached.

I say ditch the bitch.

Hey, i'm from a nation of riding motorbikes. People who don't ride motorbikes in countries like ours won't understand the stress we are under. The rider is stressed but the one behind is equally stressed too. And for someone who is not familiar like Sarah, I suspect she is very very tired. Especially with hot weather, I bet she can't hardly pull herself up. Probably Sarah is not the adventurous type. She's upset that the trip didn't turn out the way she had envisioned it and she just doesn't feel like doing anything else. Sure it's a little selfish but isn't it selfish for the man to expect his woman to serve him too? I think it must go both ways, especially with the man being stronger. And trust me, when women are tired like that, surfer gods don't help much either. So... don't call her a bitch when you yourself don't try to see things from her side.

Great post! It must be nice to be traveling to such wonderful places! I have to admit that I laughed out loud when I saw how you were asking for a beer...Sounds just like my husband.