Communication is Key
I know that most men feel that women think too much. Well, the thinking isn't really the issue as much as the thinking and then wanting to talk about it. This need for communication seems to be the root of many a relationship hurdle, with the female half being blamed for yapping too much, while the male half gets it for being obtuse and distant. If you ask me, being thoughtful (as in, full of thoughts) and then attempting to bounce it off the next person is a lot more interesting than being a man of few words. Then again, I'm a woman.
Brendan and I seem to be falling into this stereotypical male/female communication pattern quite nicely. But what I'm beginning to learn is that it's not the case that Brendan doesn't think a lot (in fact, he's really quite on top of his emotions and has an opinion about everything), it's just that he often chooses not to share his thoughts with the world around him. To do so would be too girly and sensitive, so it's better to just not say anything at all and stew (or so thinketh the man). Unfortunately, this leads to pouting, and girls can't deal with a pouty man. We have to know exactly what the problem is, so it can either be 1) fixed, or 2) laughed out of the park for being a) irrational, b) unreasonable, or c) dumb.
To illustrate my plight, here is a transcript of a recent exchange between Mr. Moran and me:
ME: (leaving hotel room) "I'm going out to the pool for a while."
HIM: (on bed reading) "Okay."
**45 minutes pass**
(I come back into hotel room and immediately retreat to the bathroom and take a shower to wash off the pool chlorine)
HIM: (now typing something, presumably a blog entry, on laptop and eating some really gross peanut butter cookies I bought at a market earlier today) "Yuck. These cookies are the worst cookies in the world. "
ME: (exiting bathroom, sitting down on bed next to him and opening up a book to read) "Yeah, they're pretty bad." (grabbing leftover package of cookies that he's abandoned and wrestling with the plastic to get at the bottom row)
HIM: (looks over at me, heavy sigh)
ME: (having freed the bottom row of cookies from the plastic packaging, eating them in the particular way I like to eat sandwich cookies, which consists of small nibbles around the edges until the cookie's outer crusts fall away from the gooey inside) "Am I bothering you?"
HIM: (saying yes with his eyes) "No, not at all."
ME: (going back to my book) "Okay."
HIM: (opening up some other program on the computer) "I just lost my concentration."
ME: (figuring I know why) "Because I was eating?"
HIM: (lying) "No, no, of course not. It's nothing. Don't sweat it."
ME: (not sweating it) "Okay."
HIM: (more dramatic sighing, now entering the pouty zone)
ME: "What's wrong?"
HIM: "Nothing."
ME: "Seriously, what's wrong?"
HIM: "Nothing, nothing at all."
**Several minutes pass, pouting intensifies**
ME: "Come on, what's wrong?"
HIM: "Nothing, I'm absolutely fine......I just lost my concentration."
ME: (walking through wide-open door) "Because I was eating?"
HIM: "Well, yeah. And I just needed some space to write."
ME: "Ok, why didn't you just tell me that before?"
HIM: "I thought it would be obvious."
ME: (deciding if this falls into an irrational, unreasonable, or dumb category, then making my choice) "That's dumb."
HIM: (walks out the door and pouts directly outside hotel room window to be in full view)
ME: (picking up tossed aside laptop, beginning to write this very blog entry)
HIM: (walking back inside hotel room) "So are you mad at me?"
Sigh.
-Sarah
Comments
OMG, its everywhere!! I have had this conversation hundreds of times with BF. So glad we're not the only ones lol.
I'm not a believer in the supernatural, but it seems Brendan is channeling my husband. An exorcism may do the job.
till death do you part!
I too think it was obvious that he needed personal space.
Why do men think that women are physic? We DON'T know until you tell us!!!
That's so weird .. I had always thought that men are able to just say what's on their mind .. hmmmmmm ....
maybe you both need a vacation away from the vacation glad you are coming home for a two weeker. LOL Communication is key but maybe he doesnt want to make you mad and compromised himself i dont know
Admit it or not,
both of you seem pretty high maintenance.
I always thought that world travel humbles the individual. You both come across as if I've been wrong all along.
Best of luck.
Hm sounds like he has some mixed emotions in him... Usually a good talk works out for me if Iâm in a bad mood. Then a good hug.
holy crap you're coming to my hometown chicago. i'd hope to see you sometime soon.
any ideas where your plans are going to be at places in chicago? i'd die to meet you sarah and brendan ever sine TSS days.
well It sounds like he got pissed or jealous that you went out to the pool so he was chatting with another woman to get back at you and you came in and he could'nt keep chatting because you where in the room so he got pissed and left then came back because he felt bad.
Wow, women are crazy ... haha. Actually, I was laughing at this, because I would totally react the same way Brendan did. Sigh, I hate being predictable ...
- Sean
Teehee I think like five seconds ago I was having this exact convo. with my bf on the cell. About buying/renting a house. Weird how all men think women are mind readers, don't they get pissed when we say "it's okay to go out" when they ask but we really want them to stay home, then when they get back we're all pouty... ummm... maybe guys should realize it's just as annoying.
LOL...This happens with my BF all the time. I can tell something is wrong. When I ask him what, he always says nothing. It takes several attempts before he will come out with what is bothering him. But, I can also say that as women we push way to much to find out what is wrong. If i leave him alone my BF will usually tell me whats wrong within a couple of days.
nona
"I'm a woman" Yeah, right. I thought I was reading a blog about two twelve year olds.
That exactly how are evenings go everyday!!!!!
LOL @ what the fuck?
how things are and will remain...and now back to your regularly scheduled program
Lol, funny. I was very upfront that I don't take hints so my b/f better just come right out and say what he needs to or he wont get it. :)
This is pretty standard i think. It comes from an established pattern of how a wife or girlfriend reacts to previous things. If he continually gets negative responses every time he opens his mouth then he will shut down and only open his trap when continually poked and prodded. THEN when the wife or gf is upset he has the door wide open to say 'i knew i shouldnt have opened my mouth'. its a terrible effed up pattern that will eventually become much much worse.
Women want men to verbalize their feelings, but more often than not it comes back to cause trouble. So it becomes a very very fine line we walk of 'do i speak vs. do i keep my mouth shut thus keeping the peace'
But of course thoughts fester and come out in other ways.
My advice- you both need to have a REAL long talk about what's really going on. I bet he's got some shit to spill that could make your head spin. He's probably a LOT deeper than you might think.
Okay, sounds like Brandon is a woman to me. Sorry ladies, but I've read all the bashing of this guy and all I have to say is that he is definately not the representation of the male species. Sometimes I get (what is refered to here as) pouty and it has nothing to do with my mood. Sometimes I just don't feel like putting myself out for eveyone... even my girlfriend. I know evil boyfriend! Sometimes it's nice to just sit and be quiet. Something women appear to have a serious difficulty with understanding. Silence is not something to be feared ladies. Embrace it once in a while, trust me... it will make everyone around you happier!
He's not pissed about the eating of cookies. There's something much deeper going on, and he's expecting you to realize it. If you do not, then you are the unthoughtful person. If he has to come out and say it, then he's the asshole for feeling like an immature little boy. It's all about who is to blame.
what bullshit, get a life....
this is SO how men are
funny, that's the opposite of my boyfriend and i. i don't like discussing feelings; he does. i got a keeper!
Men express themselves so poorly and are proned to sulk almost at everything. Guys, we women are no mind readers!!!! Please, keep that in mind.We'll be more understanding if you tell us how you feel.
0he sounds jus like my man and i cant take it anymore me and my man had a talk and geast what after i spake for an hour all he said is what i want from him i cant seem to get through to him
Both of you are playing a part. If you were out for a while, you were obviously going to come back at some point in which he would have to acknowledge your presence. Because he had been left alone doesn't mean you're reappearance was invading his privacy. I think it's stupid and egocentric. If he wanted privacy he had to go somewhere that wasn't a shared space. The computer room, maybe. And, you shouldn't play along if you know he's just trying to manipulate the situation and making you feel bad.
For the record, this also occurs in lesbian relationships..Haa Haa! Sounds just like an exchange between me and my girlfriend. Love to you both..Happy Traveling! All the best
i'm Sarah.......why do some ppl predict dat others will know wat they want and wen they dont get it...they frown.....bad boy Brendan...
love to you both.
P.S. Brendan you are cute;-p
i'm WITH Sarah.........sorry for the mistake guys
i love you
sex
