The Truth about Husbands

Brendan and I have been married just over four months. For three and a half of these past four months, we've been backpacking across the world. Technically we are "honeymooning" since we're still on the first trip we took after the wedding, but we are not rich and this is not like one of those super-deluxe honeymoons people talk about in Maui or Dubai or Tuscany. Like I said, we're backpacking. I could not have begun to know what to expect four months ago, back when we were both young (age 29), deeply in love, and still showering regularly, but I'm growing wiser by the day.

As a means of us getting to know each other better, and because it's the right thing to do, I, Sarah Moran (formerly Sarah Lane, at least I stayed Irish), will let you in on a few secrets I have learned about my husband since I began traveling with him for a year. Feel free to apply the following information toward your own husband/boyfriend/schoolgirl crush/friend with benefits/stranger at the coffee shop you'd like to know biblically if that helps make it more relevant to you and your life. Think of me as your personal travel/relationship guinea pig. I'm happy to help.

1. My husband is willing to spend more money than he has to on a daily basis.

Haggling is a part of life in many countries, particularly those in Southeast Asia. However, the fact that the initial asking price of a good or service is known to be intentionally inflated so that a friendly bartering process can begin to take place with both parties eventually agreeing to a final number at least a quarter lower than the initial asking price does not matter to Brendan.

Example of actual conversation, word-for-word:

ME: Ok, so the guidebook says we should not pay any more than 10,000 kip for a tuk-tuk ride from the bus station to the hotel. Ok?

HIM: Ok.

ME (to tuk-tuk driver): How much for a ride to this (points at map) hotel?

TUK-TUK DRIVER: (looks at map, creates crazy inflated price in head) 50,000 kip.

HIM (to tuk-tuk driver with a smile): Ok! (throws backpack in back of tuk-tuk and starts climbing into tuk-tuk)

ME: Honey, no way! Total rip-off! What are you doing?

HIM: (horrified) What's wrong with you? You're embarrassing me.

2. My husband is jealous of the internet.

There are times when I feel the need to hang out with someone other than my husband. It's not because I don't love him. It's because normal women do not travel the world for a year and force themselves to spend 24/7 in high-to-moderate situations of stress with their significant others, and once in a while I want to feel like a normal woman. But since I'm so far away from home, I can't hang out with any of my friends or family unless it's via email or IM. Brendan does not like it when I express the need to log onto IM or Gmail. He has been known to mumble that I should "stop using the internet as a crutch", and that I "love that computer more than him". When asked to repeat either of these phrases more clearly, he will often sigh and go sulk in the corner.

3. My husband's problem with directions spans entire continents.

Brendan is still, inexplicably, reluctant ask for directions after getting lost on a DEAD-END STREET of a FOREIGN COUNTRY during a heavy MONSOON RAIN because he feels dumb not knowing where he is and doesn't want to admit it to anyone, even though I'm very wet and also very angry.

4. My husband and I are not going to be intimate today, and probably not tomorrow either.

And trust me, I am a normal, healthy, red-blooded wife. But because of actual travel-related incidents that for obvious reasons I do not need to go into, I can no longer, under any circumstances, concede to sex if any of the following statements is true:
a) there is at least one mosquito visible in the room - 60% of the time true
b) one or more cockroaches have been spotted in the bathroom - 20%
c) there is dirt under any of either of our nailbeds - 75%
d) we have eaten something new and questionable within the last two hours - 50%

5. My husband misses his mommy.

I understand this last point is totally normal. I miss my mom too.. a lot. But with Brendan, it's much more obvious. When he gets a bellyache, he does not want me to matter-of-factly suggest which medicinal combo would probably provide the quickest relief. He wants coddling. Lots of coddling. And maybe even a little baby talk. It's so cute.

There. I hope that was educational for you (beyond therapeutic for me, whew)! Come visit us again soon for more Relationship Truths of Traveling. I'm a bottomless pit.

-sarah

Comments

um his mommy ?? oh a k ? and how old is he?

Wow I wish I would of traveled for at least a few months, but now I have to wait till my kids get old enough to MOVE OUT!

10,000 kip is barely a dollar. Depending on the ride $5 for two people may not be unreasonable, the guide may be outdated.

HAHAHA....thanks for the tips! I'm getting married in 5 weeks, and, although I love him dearly, I do believe it will be very interesting living with him. Thanks for the laugh...

Great advice! my husband misses his mom sometimes too and thats ok... you live with someone(mom) for so long you tend to miss them when you get sick and you just want a soothing hug. just got married 2 months ago! understanding what your going through lol

yes thanks alot sometimes i wonder if my husband was old fashion now i known i am not the only one

I am sorry, but this article is quite dumb.

Oh, I so totally agree with you! I've been married a year and this guy I'm living with is much stranger than the guy I innitially married! I still love him but I have issues with my strong white knight guy needing coddling and baby talk from time to time. Once again thanks, I feel so normal now that I know at least one other person has found herself married to a different guy after a few months. Oh, and for my personal sanity: Why can't he find his socks in the morning? It's not like they've been moved in the last year! Okay much better. thanks ya'll!

I would love to have the chance to go out and travel the world with my husband, we've been married for 4 months.

I married a man that missed his mom and now we are divorced his mom was great at causing problems so she could rush in and take credit for saving him and guess what he is 40 yrs old and now lives w/ his mommy now happy as can be. so good luck.

LOL This article made me laugh, now uhm all i want to say is that I'm glad my hubbie moved out from his parents' when he was 25 and I met him when he was 31, now he's 33 and we have the best time together. I won't deny that he does weird/funny things now and then and at times they're annoying, but your man seems quite immature =P The only thing our hubbies have in common is the fact that they both hate to ask for directions, thank God mine bought a Pocket Pc and he installed the GPS stuff and we don't get lost anymore... ok only when he's too stubborn to follow the directions from the PC haha, he loves his mommy but when we traveled to Rome for our honeymoon I was the one telling him we should send an SMS to say we were fine. Being married is the greatest thing ever!!!

I miss my mom. I'm fighting with my parents. I want my mom.

While I think your story is cute, on a serious note, why is it always about what our husbands are doing wrong? Was there nothing right or good or sweet throughout your trip? Why is it so easy and fun and funny to bash on everything they do wrong? Maybe I'm a bit sensitive to this because my husband has been in Iraq for a year and something as petty as paying $5 for a ride is not worth getting angry over - you're with your husband, consider yourself lucky. As far as coddling your husband - he's human too. He needs affection and love and attention just like we do. That is not him being a baby. That's him letting you in and showing you his heart and 'weaknesses'. That's not easy for a man to do. Is it really that big of a deal? Is it really so horrible that he doesn't want to ask for directions? Ask yourself again why you married him. Remember those reasons. And, laugh off his annoying characteristics. They are what make him the man you fell in love with. And, above all be thankful for every second you have with him

i married my husband 15 years ago, when i was 17 and he 19. there was alot of growing to do on both our parts. now that we have been together for so long we find humor, instead of offence in the little things that used to bug us. i can see the need to be clean before having sex, but other than that i say give yourself some time next year all of this will be funny.

Wow...so many bashing opinions. First, I think the article is hilarious, simply because almost all of them are exactly what my fiance does. Not asking for directions, or in my case, ridiculous driving, while causing an argument to begin with, also ends up being a funny story to tell others for both of you later on. I do think that when your man gets sick, acknowledging his 'weaknesses' is important and sweet, but if he drags it on and on, it becomes excessive. No one's perfect, and us women complain alot when we're sick too. Think of how we respond to being on our periods...PMS is a b**** for our men I'm sure, so we can humor them now and then when they're feeling down and out. Overall though, I loved this article. My fiance is in Iraq as well, and even though I cherish him greatly, I occasionally tease/bash him because I know he does the same thing to me and with his buddies. If you can't humor and tease each other once in a while, you might be missing out on a fun & mostly 'no harm done' part of a relationship.

you sound like a whiny bitch that doesn't really deserve your husband. I just got married earlier this year and I would never bag out my precious husband just to get a few cheap laughs. I think you need to overlook silly things and grow up.

Wow. Interesting responses to your article. I have been married for 11 years to a man I started dating when we were 17. We married when we were 24. We have our ups and downs like everyone else. I do not put him on a pedastal nor does he put me on one. We try not to truly hurt eachothers feelings but we know honesty is important as I can't read his mind and he can't read mine. I found your article very enlightening and not at all whiny or bashing. This article is a female perspective and reflects my own husband's behavior. I'm sure your husbands perspective would be just as enlightening. People who set too high standards for their relationship and who can't find humor in the differences between men and women are going to find themselves disappointed later in life. So lighten up Pooky. Life is short... and funny when you take the time to take it all in.

I am getting married in March of 2007 and my fiance and I have been dating for the last five years and living together since March of this year. I liked your article. It was funny and sometimes you need to joke about stupid stuff to make the relationship fun. I love my fiance and he loves me. I do things for him when he asks me and he does things for me when I ask him to. We have an even relationship and I enjoy that. I do believe some of the comments are a little harsh. I hope the rest of your travel is wonderful and I hope your marriage is as wonderful as the past five years of my relationship. Life is too short as it is, enjoy it and don't fight as much about the little things. And try doing it while dirty, it's always fun getting clean together.....HeHe.

I, too, feel like this article had too much 'husband bashing' in it. I was looking forward to reading something helpful; didn't find it here.
I recently remarried (7 mos ago), and am really enjoying the time getting to know my husband. We lived two hours apart while dating, so this is actually the courtship stage as well as the honeymoon stage.
The best advice anyone can take would be to "be willing to compromise; if you can do that? you'll make it thru the hard times".

I found this article cute. I have been married for two years, and this article reminded me of the little silly things that my husband and I both went through. I was 18 when I got married and my husband 24. I have known him all my life and we started dating when I was 14. We dated on and off for a year then broke up for about two years and then got back together and now are happily married. But I guess what I am trying to say is husband or wife we are all guilty of missing mom that first little bit and being to stubborn to ask for directions, for fear of embarassment or simply self pride. But the article was cute It reminded of my first couple months.

3166721

I have been married for almost 5 yrs to my third husband. It took 3 times to discover that you must first be friends, before you can really be compatable. We are also honest and try not to hurt each other, but know that lying will only cause more pain. Be happy that you are not being abused, I was for 18 yrs in my last marriage, most of it mental. Always keep the lines of communication open, and a few mosquito bites might be worth some real passion, even in the dirt.

Fun story. Try traveling when you've been married for 30 years! Now that is a scream!

Good luck on your journey.

Cute post. I have been married for a month after dating for 5 years. We are having tons of fun and I wish we could travel like you and your husband! Come on people, don't take this article so seriously. There is nothing wrong with pointing out a few meaningless idiosyncrcies. She is not being malicious, just having some fun. It's a blog, if you don't like it, don't read it.

I agree with you Jessica. Everyone has some idiosyncricies, Either you look over them and get along or allow yourself to focus on them and slowly but surely began to grow apart from each other. Everyone goes through the initial stages of marriage. As time go on you learn how to grow from level to level in peace. Appreciate one another. You either try to make it or you'll be fighting long and hard for your relationship. You can make it. You both have to work on it NOT JUST THE WOMAN. So you guys stay encouraged. Work through it. Sex, Communication and Money. these three are what needs to be strengthened in your marriage. Shut everybody out, Keep God in and the two of you work on it. It's a Job. So Work,Work,Work.

I totally agree with being friends before you get married because if not more then likely it isn't going to work.

I AGREE YOU REALLY NEED TO GET TO KNOW THE PERSON BEFORE GETTING MARRIED. ALSO FIND OUT ABOUT ANY MENTAL ILLNESS. MY HUSBAND IS BYPOLAR AND I WAS NOT AWARE OF IT UNTIL AFTER I GOT MARRIED. HE HID HI ILLNESS VERY WELL WHILE DATING BUT EVERYTHING CHANGE AFTERWARDS.

bash me as much as you want,I'm fine with anything, as long as we're banging

Your article was entertaining and honest. Your husband sounds like a good man. His flaws are normal, as are your frustrations about them. Be thankful you are both healthy and for him, that he has a mom to miss. I heard nothing about anything remotely marriage-shattering such as sex or porn or drug or gambling addictions, so I think you are a lucky woman. Cherish and thank God for eachother every day of your lives, and when you need some spice in your love life, make sure to have a Passion Party! Passionately, Kirsty ppkirsty@yahoo.ca

Your article was entertaining and honest. Your husband sounds like a good man. His flaws are normal, as are your frustrations about them. Be thankful you are both healthy and for him, that he has a mom to miss. I heard nothing about anything remotely marriage-shattering such as sex or porn or drug or gambling addictions, so I think you are a lucky woman. Cherish and thank God for eachother every day of your lives, and when you need some spice in your love life, make sure to have a Passion Party! Passionately, Kirsty ppkirsty@yahoo.ca

your article was honest and i liked it. i'm getting married in 5 weeks and i have been apart from my fiance for almost a year now though our relationship is 6 years old. i can't wait to get married to him and this article reminded me of our differences...lol....i think living with him after being away for 1 year will be interesting and i will try and not get easily irritated just for the joy of being together again.
girl, i hope you have fun with your husband, remember all these moments, good, bad, funny or annoying because they will be you guys' story.

I liked the article and all, but women that complain that their guy won't ask for directions, but won't ask for directions themselves? =so lame.

Ok, so I have been married for 1 year, after living with the guy for 3. We all go through this phase of finding stuff out about the other person. Ya'll should stop ripping on the girl for this article, she has nothing but her blog to vent to currently, cause in case you missed it, she is travelling in foreign countries that are not your 5 star resort towns if you know what I mean. Also the sex thing, mosquitos in certain areas carry disease, as do other bugs, cockroaches included, and "dirt" can be fun if you are in your backyard or on a camping trip, but please consider the circumstances. Sarah I thought your article was funny, and I think anyone who has been in this stage of a relationship can relate to lauging and venting about certain things about their partner, this goes both ways kids, guys do it too, lighten up.

Wow Leyelei you said it great!! I have been married going on 13 yrs this month, and if you want to talk about anoying things,geeze I think we have you all beat!LOL Actually my husband and I are totally opposite, I am very serious!! There is only ONE thing we have in common, and that's the "Country/Primitive Look"for decor. But you know what? He is my best friend, lover, backbone and partner.. My love for him grows each day, no I'm not trying to be sappy, or make you think our marriage is perfect, b/c by no means it is!! Sunday he made me so mad,which he was right, I just didn't want to hear it, and I told him that exactly, I didn't say he was wrong or anything, just told him I agreed, but I don't want to talk about it now. One reason you should have open communication with your partner is so you can say things like this instead of yelling and screaming at each other and then threaten to leave. Always remember, those who pray 2gether, stay 2gether & never go to bed mad at each other!!

ok hi new wife here literally i mean just over a week lol i've been a mom longer. my hubby as cute as he is .. is one big pain in the tush. total poke and prod yes he's yound (19) but so am I (21) but i married him this way so i'm stuck with the furball. any tips?

Gee, I wonder what he would be saying about you if he were on this website? If that is the only thing that you find in your marriage that bothers you then you have it made. GROW UP little girl.

With all those stipulations regarding sex, at least you don't have to worry about having kids anytime soon.

Being annoyed at a less than romantic place for sex is one thing, being annoyed at a man showing you his need for affection is quite another story. All men hate asking for help, its a machismo thing but if your man has common sense he will know when to quit and fix the situation before pride completely screws you both. I don't think you are whiny, I think you are being overly critical of a situation that you allowed yourself to become a part of, (the traveling the world thing), uncomfotable situations are part of heading into new places without a plan...which brings me to my last point, if you do not like the circumstances, projected or presesnt, it is your absolute responsibilty to speak on it it and request change. Being quietly angry will destroy your brand new relationship faster than you think. Tell him your feelingd about each issue, and if he loves you, he will compromise with you and you might even be able to settle down in a nice romantic hotel for the rest of the honeymoon. And thats a male opinion!

I really enjoyed your story, and most of what you said is "typical"(sorry guys). I have three comments: 1)I would like to read an artical from your husband about this backpacking journey. 2)Try it all again in 20 years and you will both enjoy it much more. 3)Don't sweat the small stuff, look around you and enjoy these experiences. They will become stories you can tell your children and grandchildren! Best wishes to you both.

it was nice reading ur article. i agree with the missing his mom part becos i think i am seriously affected by this son-mom relationship. sometimes i fear tat my marriage will brk becos of his mom and her interference in our lives

Wonderful!....it made me smile to read your list of events...enjoy every moment.

Wow...I liked the article. Just a very real picture of the day to day life of backpacking newlyweds. I didn't think you're being whiny. Like someone said...this is ur place to vent your minor frustrations.

I'm currently away from my boyfriend--thousands of miles away, at school, in a different country, and it's hard. We're planning to be married in about 2 years. Most of our time has been spent apart, so...although we've officially been together for 3 and a half years, the total probably hasn't amounted to a full year!! I often wonder how the regular day to day life will go...

I try to get all the insight I can on these things so I can help begin to prepare myself mentally (yes! From now!).

This is so close to home! You never know their quirks (nor they ours) until you're forced into close space with them for a long time. My husband's in the Army and we moved to Germany as soon as we were married after having had a very odd dating life (loooong story LOL). We didn't know each other nearly as well as we imagined. It took us literally two years to get all of the wrinkles ironed out and now we've really hit our stride. You come to learn not to be jealous of one another's personal "alone" time or friends, you figure out what the other needs from you as a spouse *and* as a friend, and you learn what's really worth getting upset about. Life's too short and when you love someone you want to soak it all up together and spend as much time as possible enjoying the good thing you have together.

FOR ALL OF YOU THAT ARE RAGGING ON SARAH, I THINK YOU GUYS NEED TO GROW UP. It is great that she can laugh at his little quirks. I laugh at little things my husband, of 6 years, does all the time. I does not mean that I don't love him. On the contrary, I love him even more. I wouldn't change his little quirks for nothing. But I can still laugh at them. Leave Sarah alone. She is just discovering her husband.

i found out by accident that my husdban talks with his friends about other woman and how good they look and what he would do to then and stupid thing like that, he is good to me but i don't know if i should ignore his comments,i dont know what to do and i love him a lot but i'm hurt

Maria,
your hubby sounds kinda 2faced, i would be worried. nothing helps more then talking...

Me and my fiance love each other. He loves his mom a lot and me too love her. But I want him to show i love him more than his mom. how can i prove him. i'm a kinda devoted to him. will he understand me...if so when???

aww.......poor baby, missing his mom. Sarah be kind, everybody misses theri moms wen they are in pain. A little pampering heals the wounds(physical or emotional) faster.

take care of each other.

If anyone likes traveling like the newlyweds please check out my site. www.travelholloway.com is the best site around. It is virtually a one stop travel site that offers much more than travel. I know I can depend on my ivillage family for support!

Some of you are taking this article too seriously. There are always things you don't know about a person. You might find out about it, you might not. I don't think she's bashing him per se. Thanks for the article, Sarah. Take lots of pictures!

OMG ... You guys are killing me!! lol I agree with the 'no sex' factor.. COMPLETELY!! With our men.. it makes no never mind, WHAT the circumstances are... they can 'do it' regardless.. and would prefer it that way - by far! Us gals.. frig that noise! Our 'environment' or 'surroundings' or 'circumstances', play a HUGE ROLE, in in whether or not.. you're getting IT ..! That's a fact Jack... get used to that one! ;)
-Judi
P.S. I'll read more tomorrow.. it's late.. but this is like a great book you don't want to put down :)

us woman when we are on our periods we go thur a lot of stomach pains and we have to lay down on the couch for a very long time and most of us ladies we do have very heavy bleeding but we are happy that we are females because we can talk to the females and tell them what we are going thur most of the times i am sick from being on my period you men need to understand that
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