I'm Only 30, But...

My wife probably feels like she married an 80 year old man. I am currently suffering from a gigantic lip blister (the sun?), a bruised rib, and a total loss of hearing in my right ear. Long story short, I (unwisely) decided to try swinging on a rope over a fast-moving river. At the height of my swing, I (unwisely) decided to let go of the rope, dropping twenty feet into the water. I landed in the worst possible way. On my ear. Even underwater I could hear two dozen people watching my landing cry "OHHH!!" and "That's gotta hurt!" I may never recover. At least that's what I tell my wife every five minutes. I think she's sick of hearing about it. She won't tell me this though. I guess that's a perk of being married. Someone is always there to hear you complain.

To the women reading this, please note that when your man is hurt in a freak rope swing accident, all he wants is lots of sympathy. Men may act tough, but we're all babies. All we want is some attention and a glass of milk, preferrably with cookies.

So we went to the hospital at the end of a long dirt road way out of town. When we got there we were told by a buddist monk (the only person we could find) that the hospital would re-open in a few minutes. Apparently, we got there at the end of the lunch hour. You know, when the hospital is closed. Upon finding a person in a white lab coat (the assumption here is that she was in fact a real doctor), I witnessed a side of my wife I didn't know she had. She became (without this sounding too Oedipal) my mother. Deftly, she grilled the doctor. Or rather, a middle aged man with bad shoes acting as translator.

"So there is nothing in his ear?"
"His ear in inflamed? What does that even mean?"
"Will he ever hear again?" This question shocked me. The answer was, "I don't know".
"So there is no wax in his ear?"
"You're saying there is no wax in his ear, correct?"

And so on.

We still don't have any answers. All I know is that it's nice to have Sarah there to lean up into my ear and tell me what someone is saying. Cause I can't hear a damn thing.

-brendan

Comments

I don't usually like reading other people's email pages, hey I don't even like the internet really (shopping doesn't count). But you guys are funny ! I really enjoy your conversations & observations. I can't believe I'm writing this. I should be doing my job (managing others to do theirs) but you are more fun. Thanks for the entertainment. Myra in Sydney.

how could u do this to urself, brendan? if i would be Sarah i would slap u after u recover(ofcourse, it wud'nt be a harsh gf-slap, but an affectionate wife-slap) coming to the point, put 2-3 drops of warm garlic oil in ur ear. It worked for me , n i hope it does work for u too. Sarah is such a caring and sensitive wife!

admiring ur relationship,
arpita